This has no fucking point.

and that's the point.

I've been putting off the blog because I'm too busy playing with ink and luscious pastels. They remind me why hands exist. Not to press man made buttons but to squish a berry across a piece of wood and watch the colors drip. Lick the scent off your fingers.
I'm at war with my mind today. And often for that matter. War. What a brutal word and how I mean it. My mind, your mind, our minds are all on fire and we can't put it out. No, we think and thinking to me equals chaos.
What does chaos equal to you?
...because I don't know what I think of it anymore.
I always had the need to be in control. To put on the smiling, talkative Remme show people seem to expect. I had the need to control the reactions so that I would know how I would react next.
Always thinking a few steps ahead
Always walking at a different pace
Always talking in the dark.

I was told I have Hypergraphia= the incurable desire/compulsion to write. It comes along with the frontal lobe game, mania in the bipolar mind, and the desire to communicate.
Is that why I keep this blog? To communicate? Who am I communicating with?
What do you want to know? I will answer.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve anymore. It kept falling off. Now I keep it in my palm so I always have a good grip.

You want something new? Something honest?
Here you go,
MY FEARS
-that everyone is walking on eggshells around me
-not living up to my potential (whatever the fuck that is anymore)
-being abandoned/rejected whether real or imagined
-losing my mentor
-going mad/insane/sad again
-being a fearful person
-that shit being laced
-you think this is stupid
-that I care if you think is stupid
-[enter annoying comments about body]
-[enter annoying comments about mind]
-that I'll never leave legacy
     Sound familiar to you?

So this is 2011. This is me being a twenty-something with "so much potential" if "she'd just make up her mind already" and "get off the damn couch". Oh the voices and vices and victorious feats.
Correct dinosaurs.
Pluto's not a planet but that is!
Egypt?!
13 astrological signs. Okay. 
Still at war.
I'm still human I think but the medications got a hold on me along with the growth hormones and radiation, right?

Being a touch 'n go boho diarist with nowhere to go at night but the realm of weary dreams.